Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Ain’t as Good as I’m Gonna Get But I’m Better Than I Used to Be

Last night was rough.
We always put the baby to bed at 7:30. Sometimes he’s asleep within ten minutes, other times it’s more like an hour and a half.
Last night I planned to put him to sleep, do a little writing while Ryan took a shower, and then spend the night hanging out with my husband.
Instead, we suffered through one of our worst bedtimes yet. There was back arching, breathless hiccoughing, screaming and crying. He clung to our necks and reached up to be held, then squirmed away from us the minute we picked him up. It was 10:45 before he finally fell asleep.
I normally fall into bed at ten, read until 10:30, and fall into a deep and snore-filled sleep by 10:31.
I was exhausted, frustrated, and quite frankly feeling sorry for myself.
I stood up and leaned into Ryan with a sigh of relief and a comment about being relieved to finally be done for the night.
He hugged me tight and did exactly what I need him to do. He reminded me, without being condescending or dismissing my feelings, that our little guy won’t be this age for very long at all and that maybe we should just be thankful for the extra time spent snuggling with him.
I spent about three hours feeling sorry for myself before his words. Then when I woke up at three and couldn’t get back to sleep, I leaned over and watched my boy sleep while I prayed up a giant serving of thanks for the wonderful husband and son I most definitely haven’t earned.
All I really want out of life is to be a good wife, mother, and person. Everything else is just details. I’m nowhere near where I’d like to be, but I’m leaps and bounds better than the person I once was. I guess realizing that every single day of our lives is a lesson and a practice round for being the best version of yourself is the best way to get myself that much closer to being who I want to be.
Today I am one step closer to becoming that person and I’m going to act like it.

Back in February we all got sick with what was most likely norovirus. It was a really terrible few days but it was peppered with sweet moments like that one


  1. (Somehow I thought I was following on BlogLovin' and then just realized I wasn't so now I'm catching up on old posts, hence all the comments!)

    That is so awesome that Ryan reminded you of such a great thing! Vince has that kind of mind-set as well, while I'm always being dramatic or whatever, so it's nice to have a stabilizing husband. You SO deserve him and your amazing little babe!

    1. I am definitely the more dramatic of the two of us and the one more likely to complain. I get a turn convincing him to cheer up once in a while too though he he.
      Thank you! I appreciate hearing that once in a while. =]