Saturday, January 17, 2015

HOW?!

In my journal, I mentioned before the 20th week of my first pregnancy that I couldn’t imagine trying to handle this pregnancy if I had another little one at home needing my time and energy. I wondered just exactly how people do it. Then that sweet little baby came and I vividly remember looking at one evening Ryan to say, “How on Earth do people do this with another little kid at home?”

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We had wanted three children at the time. After a few weeks of bleary restlessness I remember telling Ryan I didn’t want any more after all. I loved this sweet, tiny little life so much and I couldn’t imagine not giving him the attention he deserved because I was trying to stop a toddler from coloring on the walls or something. I couldn’t imagine having to choose between him and his sibling if they both had a game/performance at the same time, if they were both sick or sad and needing me, if they were fighting and needed an intervention.

Ryan agreed. It wouldn’t be fair. We just loved him too, too much.

Then my hormones settled and we found more of a routine. We got six or seven uninterrupted hours of sleep at night instead of three. We were able to time outings around typical nursing schedules and knew we’d have a few hours to spend together each night. We found our groove.

I spent a morning giggling and singing with my little boy and then spent naptime looking at photos of him because I missed him. I sent Ryan a text message that said I loved him so much “I want 50 more babies just like him.”

He replied, “50 is a lot. How about 3?”

I thought HOW?! again the entire time we were trying to get pregnant. Once I got pregnant and saw that it was really no big deal, I started to wonder about how in the world I’ll be able to manage life with two small children.

I know it’ll all fall into place, but I still can’t help but wonder.

How will I get our groceries? How will we navigate bedtimes? How will I function during the first few weeks when I can’t just nap as soon as the baby naps after a long night? How will I keep up with diapers and laundry? How long will it take us to establish a new routine? How will I keep the toddler close to me when I’m stuck nursing in public? How?!

I have ideas in my head about certain things but I know that probably half of them will work out just that way and the other half will take a lot more creative thinking.

I imagine we’ll blur through those first few weeks and I’ll tell Ryan that I’m done now, that two is definitely enough. That there is just no way I can manage three children. And then, when we find our routine and things start to fall into place for us better, I imagine I’ll say that I love them so much I want 49 more babies just like them.

And then I’ll think, HOW?!

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