Friday, July 3, 2015

Marriage Bits

Sometimes I get into this weird place where I think about relationships and all that they are made of. Lots of us are married and lots of people have even been married for the exact same amount of time that I have, and yet we all have a completely different story. The way we met, how long it took us to fall in love, everything we think about when we tear up and wonder how we ever managed to get so lucky or what we could possibly have done to deserve so much wonderful.

And then I of course think about my own story. Our story.
Meeting Ryan and falling hopelessly into his gorgeous green & gold eyes on the first day of Algebra II; almost buying his TV and then falling in love instead; opening my door at 8pm to a bacon, eggs and Dumb & Dumber-wielding Ryan; talking about God and life and feelings until my alarm went off telling me I needed to get up and get ready for work; climbing a mountain together; exchanging rings and promising to love each other forever…
And then the little things, the seemingly insignificant things that have made our marriage just that much more ours. Pizza for our Thanksgiving dinner, Scrabble until midnight, screaming an Iron Maiden song as we make our way to Yellowstone, picking up every American flag hat we find and shaking our heads in frustration because we still have yet to find one that was actually made in America.

I think it’s pretty wonderful to think that you might have a little story similar to one of ours, or maybe not at all, but that your marriage (or future marriage) is made up of all these little stories of your own and they make your marriage what it is. And you and your spouse are the only two people, the only two people, who will ever really know this marriage. Your families and friends may see pieces of it when you’re all together, but only the two of you will know what it’s like to fall asleep holding each other’s hands and wake up with numb fingers, will know what nightmares jolt you awake in the middle of the night or what you giggle about during breakfast.

I can’t imagine sharing any bit of this life with any other man. This is everything I could ever want, today and forever.


  1. I’m not a believer in love at first sight. Well, not for me anyway. I’m sure it has happened to someone somewhere in the world. It just never happened to me. I am quite the cynic when it comes to that stuff. My love story is not the sappy love-at-first-sight kind that steamy romance novels are made of. It’s still a beautiful love story though, simply because it’s mine. Here goes:

    I am a byproduct of mental illness, alcoholism, and various other hellish dysfunctions. I “ran away” from home a few days after I turned 18. I won’t go into detail as to what events led up to my breakdown and my resolve to get out of there, but I can honestly say I wish I had been strong enough to do it sooner. Courage came eventually though.

    I won’t give you the unsavory details on what happened in between the time I left home and finally met Travis a year later, but let’s just say, Travis was my happily ever after. He still to this day reaches into my darkness and pulls me into his beautiful light and fills me with laughter.

    I met him at work. We both worked at Church’s Fried Chicken. I was not very friendly to him when I first met him. In fact, the first night we worked together, I yelled at him for whistling a cheerful tune while I was in a bad mood. He just smiled at me and said “sorry”. It wasn’t until late April that I finally realized I had gone from really enjoying his companionship as a prized friend to being inexplicably in love with him.

    Trav came from two parents who loved him and loved each other. How on earth he was willing to settle for me still blows my mind from time to time. I remember going up to his work just a few days before we got married and trying to save him from making the mistake of marrying me. I told him everything. EVERYTHING. I also told him I would not blame him if he felt it was best to just cut his losses and walk away. I explained to him about my childhood and recent experiences and explained to him that a marriage to me would include an unfair amount of emotional baggage and that quite frankly I am a basket case and couldn’t stand the thought of putting him through hell because of something he had nothing to do with and has not control over. He was determined to see us through though. He refused to back down and told me that whatever issues I have we would get through together.

    I was 19 years old when we married. Trav was only 17 years old. He was wise beyond his years. Today, almost 27 years later, we are still very much in love and I confidently know he still has my back despite my screwed-up thought processes and my weighty emotional baggage. We have two wonderful children and we have made certain they have grown up with two parents who love them and love each other.

    1. <3 Thank you for sharing that. =]